I'll always love you
by N. Halifax
Summary: this is in Alex's point of view,Alex talks about a love she had when she left for WPP! New character added no one from SVU team, you can read it and you can understand what is going on but might ruin The FBI Encounter for you if you didnt read it. plz R
1. Chapter 1

I took my coffee and looked at the mirror, I was a brunette now. I think I was still in denial that I was in witness protection. I layed down on my couch and starred at the wall wondering about everything that happened. My whole life changed because I wanted to do my job. I lost my whole life over one stupid case. I lost my family, and they think they lost me. I lost my friends, the ones I didn't even get along with when I first met but then they became my family. Elliot was a gentleman, one of the greatest men I have met. Olivia was smart and the only women I was a good friend with. I lost my two best friends. They were two people in my life that knew what really happened to me, except for one more person.

My first real love and to this day my last real love. I thought of him everyday, since I came to live this life. He was the most amazing guy that anyone could meet. A gentleman and on top of that he was funny and handsome, something I could never find considering what type of job I did. If a man was good and decent he was involved in my work and I couldn't date him. The other men I met were the ones I was fighting to put in jail, so they were out of the question to date. I always knew that Mike was the one for me only thing was that no one at our jobs knew about us. Not even Elliot or Olivia.

I got ready to go to the counseling session since it was required when you're in witness protection, to at least go once in a month. The shrink asked questions and I answered, I told him everything, mostly about Mike because he was the one I cared most about at that time.

"So what sort's of things do you remember about him?" The shrink asked me, I just sat there, thinking where do I start, Il never forget anything about him.

"My name was now Emily, every night when I go to sleep I wonder what jokes he would say about the name changing, he always tried to cheer me up, even if it was one of those nights I didn't want to laugh because of a particular case I dealt with. He never wanted me sad, always said that blonde hair looks nicer with a smile. Making blonde jokes around me was his favorite, he would amuse himself by me getting annoyed and then wrap his hands around me and whisper, I love you despite your hair. I had to smile because I know that he never meant his jokes. It was his way of flirting and I loved him for that, he was smarter then any guy I met in law school, he was in the FBI at only 27 years of age. He knew he was smart and popular with everyone, but he was the type of guy that wouldn't acknowledge it. He was sweet towards any women he met, since he had 3 sisters, he made fun of them but inside he cared so much about them, it was incredible to be around him."

"how did you two meet?" The shrink asked me but I hardly heard him, I kept talking about Mike and his qualities because it made me feel better to think of him.

"We first met when he had to escort a witness to one of my cases, he stayed for the trial. I was so distracted during that trial, I kept looking at him and he kept looking at me, we both looked away when one of us would notice the other one was looking. He saved my life that day."

"how did that happen?"

"The man I was prosecuting was a powerful man. One of his business partners got a gun past the metal detector and threatened to kill almost everyone, especially me. When the man pointed his gun at me, Mike jumped from the side and pulled me down, and laid in front of me as the man pointed the gun at us. Mike got in front of the gun, not letting it be in my direction. I couldn't believe that a stranger would risk his life for me. Before the man could pull the trigger, Mike tripped him and grabbed the gun out of his hands. Before he did anything he turned around and asked me if I was ok."

"that's when you started dating?" I nodded.

"For the next year, we kept our relationship secret because we didn't want anyone at work to know that we knew each other because he was dealing with national criminals and the most dangerous ones since he was youngest one at the Bureau, and knew how to act toward people without them knowing he was FBI. He didn't want me to be in danger, so we never told anyone at work, cause we where afraid it might slip out and end up being in the wrong hands, and we would feel guilty for it, if something bad happened."

"how did you two feel about each other?"

"We were in love and we told each other every day. We hardly spent a night without each other, he would always try to be a gentleman and spend the night at my apartment, so I would feel comfortable in my own apartment. By the 3rd month half of our stuff was at each others apartment. Even if we were apart all day and couldn't call each other during the day, we spent any extra moment with each other."

"was there anything you didn't like about him?" The shrink asked me, I knew he was trying to make me forget how I felt about Mike, but he wouldn't be successful.

"I hated it when he had to go on a business trip for his job, he hated those weeks also. Every time he found out he had to go, I would say I hate your job, he would say I love my job, and then I would say I love you. He smiled every time we had that conversation; I fell in love with him every time he smiled. He had an honest smile, almost protective smile, when he smiled you felt like you where apart of his heart. His smile is what gets me through the days when people call me Emily; I was a brunette now, he would think of something to say just so it would make me annoyed. He would always joke with me and say that he loved blondes especially 2 at a time when I slapped him on the stomach he would laugh and say he was kidding he meant 3, I would slap him again and smile, he would laugh and wrap his hands around me and whisper, there's only one blonde I love and that's the way it will always be." At this moment I wasn't talking to the shrink I was just talking. Remembering the fun times.

Every time the shrink would ask, how I felt today. How does he think I feel, I lost everything and everyone, someone I could have spent the rest of my life with was out of my life and not by choice. Sometimes before I got to the shrink I think of his smile so I could smile, so that stupid shrink wouldn't keep asking me questions that would make me cry when I get home.

"what why did you two brake up?" The shrink asked, at this moment I wanted to throw something at him and tell him to stop bringing up the bad memories. When I thought of that I had to smile, thinking it was something Mike would make fun of me for.

"Mike and I made a deal before we left that we should be happy no matter what, marry someone and be happy. I met a guy at work, he was a good guy, we dated for a couple of months, but it didn't work out"

"what happened?"

"we were in bed together and he whispered my name 'Emily' and at that moment I had a complete flashback. It was something Mike used to do when he felt that I was awake, he would whisper 'Alexandra' I would whisper back 'Michael' he would wrap his hands around me and tell me he loved me and he held me until I fell asleep. It's hard finding the right guy after you find the perfect one." At that moment I just wanted to go home and not talk about this anymore.

"do you think you'll ever be able to get over from Mike?" The shrink asked and all I thought was 'no' but I couldn't tell him that since he was bugging the hell out me at this moment.

"yes, with time" I said hoping he would let me go home, so I can sulk in my memories.

He finally let me go home, when I got home all I thought was about how does this happen to me. I lay down and thought about the engagement ring that I found in Mike's drawer a week before everything happened. I knew he was going to propose on our anniversary, which was in two weeks. When everything happened I was glad he didn't propose earlier because it would just make things harder.

I went to sleep around 10, normally I wouldn't go to sleep until 12 cause of my job and cause Mike and I would spend our nights watching movies and talking. But now there was no use to stay up later at night because I was alone in this house that was paid for by the government.

I looked at the clock, it was 11:30, and I couldn't sleep cause memories of everyone started running throw my mind this time of month when I talked to the counselor.

I started thinking about the case that changed my life. Mike tried to tell me not to pursue the case because I shouldn't be involved in that type of mess. I heard that someone was putting a hit on me, and then that agent died in that car bomb. I called Mike and explained everything to him, he was on one of his business trips in Chicago, and he took the first flight out and came to stay with me. I remember Olivia offered for me to stay with her for a while for safety but Mike was with me I didn't need anyone else.

Those couple of nights he didn't sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be holding me and just starring at the ceiling, and his gun next to the bed. When I got shot, he had to come later since the detectives were there, he told me about witness protection and I knew how hard it was on him, he kept on saying that it would be safer for me. I trusted him but I refused because of him. He was so selfless at that moment he kept on thinking about me and what was best for me. I realized I had to go into witness protection for my safety. He called the US Marshals.

He held my hand that whole night and never left my bedside. He kept on watching me, I remember it was the first night I saw him get teary eyed. He lay down next to me after I finally woke up. He hugged me the whole time and he tried not to cry, but after he saw me crying, he started crying and hugging me. He tried to tell me that it was going to be all right and that he would love me forever, no matter what. I felt the same way, no one could ever change that and no matter how much time passed by, and we would always love each other no matter who we were it.

I woke up at 8, even if I didn't work today, I got used to waking up early when I was an ADA. My eyes were still red from last night's crying. It was a rainy day, raining all day, I like it when it rained it always reminded me of New York. I put cold water on my face, so I could almost numb the pain. I grabbed coffee and sat down to watch a movie, since I didn't want to make too many friends cause I didn't want to lie to people who were friends with me. So I tried not to have too much of a social life.

My house was quiet except for the noise of the movie. In New York it was never quiet, outside or inside. When I was at work I always talked, after all I was the ADA. When I was home Mike always made me laugh and his sister's would come by and then they would make fun of him but he would still laugh. I didn't like it that I was in such different atmosphere and a different state at the same time. I sipped my coffee but it was already cold.

I heard my doorbell, thinking it was the next-door neighbor, since she is always stopping by to give me cake or something. She didn't have kids or hardly had family, so I figured she took me in as her kid. I didn't mind since she always stopped by on Saturdays to give me some sort of dessert. I got used to have dessert in the fridge, since Mike always had some sort of cake in his fridge. After he spent time at my apartment I got used to having cake in my fridge.

I went to open my door and get ready to sulk my memories into some cake. But I didn't get cake all I got was memories.

Mike was standing at my door, his hands in his pocket and he just starred at me. I starred at him, I thought I was dreaming. My mouth dropped open and I was speechless for the first time. He said nothing and just smiled and closed my mouth.

"Mike?" I asked still completely shocked. He nodded.

"Hi, Al... I mean Emily." He said smiling. I had to smile because it was such a Mike thing to do.

"what are you doing here?" I asked still taken back that he was standing in front of my house.

"came to spend the day with you and talk. Can I come in? its kind of rainy out here" He asked I was totally shocked that I didn't even realize I never asked him to come in.

"of course, I'm sorry" I replied quickly and moved out of the doorway. He gave me a hug as he came in. The hug came like medicine, something I needed and wanted for so long.

"you can't tell anyone one I was here because I'm not allowed to be here or even see you." Mike said still hugging me.

"I wont, I promise" I whispered knowing something big has happened or is happening since he risked his career to come and see me.

"what do you need to talk to me about?" I asked as I wiped a tear from my eyes before I let go of him.

"I'm engaged" He said looking at me, I starred at him and said nothing,

"I had to tell you before I got married." He said trying to fill the silence.

"to who?" I asked hoping it was no one I knew because it would be even harder to accept it then. Mike became very weird and went into my kitchen and opened my fridge and took two bottles of beer out. He handed me a beer. I starred at him sensing he didn't want to answer the question.

"Casey Novak" He said and started drinking his beer. I felt my mouth drop again. I closed it before he would notice. I really felt like I was dreaming, like this was some show with so many twists and surprises. I knew I wasn't once I felt my beer drop and spill all over me.

He came and put towels over it and moved me to the side so I wouldn't step on the glass.

"I'm going to go change, Il be right back" I said and walked up my stairs. I knew I should have said something when he told me or at least not drop my beer. I came back down with a new shirt on and jeans on. He already cleaned my floor and threw away all the broken glass.

"I liked the wet beer look better" He said smiling, I knew he was trying to lighten the burden that he just dropped.

"fun for you but not so much for me" I said wanting to kiss him so bad when I saw his smile. I wish he told me he was engaged after I saw his smile.

"yea, I was disappointed when I saw blonde hair was gone cause I had jokes prepared, cause I know how much you like those" He said teasing me. I smiled, I wanted just to kiss him but I kept reminding myself that he was engaged and engaged to one of my friends.

"you can still tell me your jokes" I said as I sat next to him. We were both trying to avoid the subject of engagement.

"You know I get most of my amusement from you being annoyed" He said smiling and holding his beer with two hands. I could tell he was focused on his engagement so he wouldn't do anything that might jeopardize it.

"I know, so what's with you and lawyers?" I asked in a sarcastic voice, trying to get the subject out of the way, so we would both be comfortable after and talk like we used to.

"well we met after I had to do case at SVU and I also met all of the detectives, she knows we dated she was only one from SVU that I told. We dated for 4 weeks and I proposed, cause I love her and I was scared to lose her before she knew how much, " He said smiling, I could see he was relived that I hit that subject.

"good, I m happy for you, both of you, congrats" I said and hugged him. I actually meant it at least one of us deserves to be happy.

"thanks, you want another beer?" He asked.

"sure." I answered and let go of him. He got up and went into my kitchen.

"so anything else new?" I yelled out watching him open the beers.

"yea actually a lot, Olivia has twins and a fiancé" He said smiling and handed me my beer.

"really, oh my god, that's awesome, who's the fiancé?" I asked really shocked that Olivia finally found time for a family.

"I think you met him a couple of times, Travis Smith, he was with me in the Reserves." Mike answered and sat next to me.

"oh yea I met him, how did they meet?" I asked amazed that Olivia finally had a family.

"over me, I introduced them and they hit it off and now there engaged and have twin boys, named Jason and Josh." Mike said smiling.

"That's great" I said smiling and took a sip of my beer. I was so happy my best friend finally had a family.

"so, you got a boyfriend?" Mike asked me, I could tell he was wondering about that.

"no, its weird for someone I kiss to call me Emily, plus I try not to be too social cause I don't want anyone to find out"

"you should have friends, you shouldn't keep yourself locked up in this house, even have a boyfriend, I would sleep much better if I knew you weren't alone in this big house" Mike said smiling, he always did think for the best interest of everyone else.

"thanks, you want another drink?" I asked him as I got up to get myself another drink.

"sure."

The doorbell rang, both Mike and I looked at the same time.

"you want me to get that?" Mike asked standing up and covering his gun with his shirt.

"its probably the neighbor, relax FBI agent." I said smiling, he smiled. I walked to the door and opened it, a US Marshal was standing there. The one who set everything up for me to move here. I was shocked and then realized he knew Mike was FBI and he shouldn't be here.

"oh what a nice surprise, Mr. Randall" I said loudly, hoping Mike would hear me and run upstairs and hide. I heard my stairs creek, so invited the US Marshal in so he wouldn't get suspicious.

"thank you, I just came by to check if everything was alright, any suspicious activity around here or anything in that sort?"

"no, everything is just fine, everything is normal and quiet like always" I said smiling just hoping he would leave the house as soon as possible. We heard something fall down, I smiled and remembered how clumsy Mike was, especially for a federal agent.

"what was that? You want me to go check if everything is alright up there?" The US Marshal asked and headed to the stairs, I had to think of something as soon as possible.

"no, it's fine, my boyfriend is up there, he probably just woke up, it's fine." I said and got on the stairs in front of him.

"are you sure? Cause Il check, maybe it's better I check, and make sure there's nothing unusual, because you can never be too careful." He went up the stairs before I could say something. I was praying that he wouldn't find Mike, cause if he did Mike was done with his career.


	2. Chapter 2

"so where is your boyfriend?" He asked me as he looked around, I had to think of something fast.

"he might have gone to take a shower, everything is fine" I said as he opened the door to my bedroom where I knew Mike was since I never close my door. I thought he would see him but when he opened the door no one was there. I was really confused but I hid my expression before he could see me.

"ok, well if you need anything you just call ok?" He said as he looked around. I was still confused to where Mike was but I knew he was smart so he figured something out. I just nodded and smiled just hoping this guy would leave my house.

He finally left, I went upstairs to find Mike.

"Mike?" I said just hoping he wouldn't jump out of a closet and scare me or something, but deep down I wanted him to pull a prank just to make me laugh like I did before. But I knew he wouldn't since I saw it in his eyes when he came in that he wasn't the same.

I checked every room and every closet but he wasn't there, I finally heard a noise in my bedroom. I went in there and saw him coming through a window, I had to smile cause he looked so cute when he was wet, ok, Alex stop thinking of him like that he is engaged.

"stupid Boston, and stupid rain, stupid US Marshals" I heard him mumble as he tripped over the windowsill and fell into my room. I was standing by the doorway and heard him say that and saw him fall, I had to burst out with laughter. He saw me and looked up and smiled.

His shirt was completely soaked, and his hair was all wet. But he still laughed.

"you went outside?" I asked smiling just thinking he could have gone into a closet or something but he had to make his life difficult.

"yea, I figured he wouldn't check there, I broke your lamp I'm sorry" He said smiling and got really close to my face, he looked like he wanted to kiss me and that moment I wanted to kiss him so bad.

"its ok" I whispered and then realized what we were doing. He realized also and stepped back.

"you got a towel or something" He said almost confused but I'm glad he stepped back because I don't think I would be able to take the guilt of kissing my friend's fiancé no matter how much I loved him.

"yea, Il get that for you" I said quickly and went into my bathroom. I stood there and looked at my mirror. Alex you cant do this his engaged, he loves her, you cant jeopardize his relationship for your happiness, just give him the towel and step out of the room don't even look at his wet body, oh god I have to stop thinking about him like that. But how could I when someone good looking like him is wet every girl looks, no matter what. This would have been easier if he was bad looking and didn't have an amazing body, Alex just stop, give him the towel and go drink your pathetic beer.

I went to give him the towel but stopped when I saw he was on his phone, and talking to who else but Casey, why did he have to come on the day after my counseling, I was thinking of him last night and now he comes. This is going to be a day that I wont forget.

I watched him get off his phone and scratch his head, something he did when he was nervous or when he was thinking. I bet Casey doesn't know that about him, but I had to stop thinking like she stole him, its not her fault, she is a good person and so is he. No one can be blamed for this except that stupid guy who tried to kill me and got me sent here.

I went into the room and looked at his body since his shirt was a light color and it was completely see through. When I realized what I was doing I looked up immediately and just handed him the towel. He knew I was looking cause he gave me a small smirk that he used to do when we would flirt.

"Il meet you downstairs" I said quickly and disappeared before he could say anything. I knew I made that moment uncomfortable for both of us. I sat down and finished my beer.

He came around 10 in the morning and by 3 in the afternoon we were both drunk. We played drinking games one of the things we did when we first started dating. Every question we didn't want to answer we took a shot of Bacardi, when I ran out of two bottles of that, we started doing it with Vodka. We kept laughing and asking stupid questions I could hardly remember any of them cause we were so wasted.

Even questions we knew the answer to, we asked like we just met each other, but a lot has happened so it was like we meeting each other all over again. I knew I should have stopped drink cause after every shot I wanted to make out with him. By 6 in the afternoon we were completely wasted and passed out on my floor.

We didn't wake up until his phone woke us up at 12 at night.

"Seroulli," I heard him say very sleepily. I thought I was back in New York, cause most of my days started out like that cause someone from his work always woke us up.

"Casey" I heard him say very surprised, I opened my eyes and noticed I was in my house, I was sleeping on his chest, and his hand was around my waist. His gun on my coffee table and 2 empty bottles of Bacardi and 3 empty bottles of Vodka and beer bottles were everywhere and a camera was on the floor next to us, I hope we took pictures with that.

I realized where my hand was and I jumped up immediately, removing my hand from under his shirt. He looked as shocked as I was.

"no, I'm fine, I was just drinking and I fell asleep, yea, I'm on my way home, love you too" He said and hung up his phone. He didn't say anything and just got up from the floor.

"nothing happened, we got drunk and we passed out" I said quickly reassuring him that he didn't jeopardize his engagement.

"yea, um…its not like we woke up naked or something, we just passed out" He said as he straightened his shirt. He started gagging and ran to my bathroom and threw up. I felt bad that he had a hangover and he had to drive to New York tonight, but I couldn't offer him to stay cause it would be really weird for him and me and especially Casey.

He came out of the bathroom a little bit later.

"well I feel better" He said smiling, I hated it that we passed out cause I knew he had to leave tonight and we didn't get to spend the whole day together. I just smiled and felt like I was about to throw up all the alcohol we drank last night and I did. I ran into the bathroom right passed him.

I washed my mouth with mouthwash and starred at my mirror, I was about to start crying cause I knew he would leave when I came out. I starred and told myself not to cry cause I wouldn't even had this day, if he didn't come.

I finally came out of the bathroom and he was sitting on my couch and drinking water, he cleaned up my living room, and threw away the empty bottles.

"you feeling better?" He asked smiling.

"yea, we drank a lot last night" I said trying to lighten the moment that was going to come where we had to say goodbye again.

"yea, we did, a lot, you probably need to get more alcohol in your house after tonight." He said smiling, I was glad he was trying to lighten the moment also.

"um…I should get going, New York is 3 hours away from Boston and I need to get up for work tomorrow" He said as he took his holster and placed it on his belt.

"yea, good luck with that" I said laughing just so I can see his smile again. He smiled, I almost melted, and I really hope I took a picture of him smiling with that camera that was still on the floor.

"yea, big head ache for me at work, um…I don't know what we took pictures of last night with this camera but how about one so I know what its of" He said smiling as he picked up the camera from the floor. I smiled and walked over to him.

He put his hand around my shoulder and we both smiled, he took the picture with his other hand.

I watched him walk to his car, I knew it was as hard for him as it was for me. I saw him wipe his eye as he opened his car door, he didn't look back and I was glad he didn't cause I was already in tears. I went to my bed and fell asleep crying.

A week passed by and I went to get the pictures done I had of that night. I got home and started going through them.

Some were of us doing shots, some were of us laughing and some I could hardly tell because we probably just pressed the button for fun because we were so drunk. I smiled as I looked at them and was so happy when I saw the picture we took together.

But my smile completely faded as I saw a picture I really didn't want to see, us kissing. I saw my tear fall on the picture, I couldn't believe I kissed him even though I knew he was engaged, not only engaged but engaged to one of my friends. What the hell were we thinking, why did we get drunk, why did we kiss, why didn't we just talk like normal adults. I really hope he doesn't remember what happened that night cause if he does I know he would tell Casey and his engaged would be off.

A/N: tell me if you like it and next part of this story will be in "The FBI Encounter" when Mike arrives at New York. Please Review!


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